Search This Blog

Friday, May 4, 2012

On being ill

This is a weird sort of rantish thing I'm about to do.

I have a weak constitution.  I'm aware of it.  If it were DnD, I'd have like, a 7 CON.  My fort saves are abysmal.  My STR must be like, maybe an 8.

I know this.  I try to make up for it in other ways, like, increasing my INT and WIS and having a decent CHA and DEX.

That said.  I hate it when I go through bout after bout of weird illness.

Most of the times when I am sick enough that I disappear, is not necessarily that I am super sick (although I have had bronchitis and pneumonia this winter) its usually just a confluence of normally irritating things that when combined make me miserable.  Having bad sleep affects everything from pinched nerves, to spasticity to migraines.  Throw my allergies in the mix and I just need a break.

That said, it irks me when other people focus on my maladies.  I'm really sick of people in my personal life bringing up my health as it being the only characteristic that defines me.  I don't tend to share my woes terribly often (besides just bitching that they even exist) as people start to become so focused on my various and recurring ailments that the things that make me me, and awesome, are completely occluded.  Yes, I have vented that I hate being sick, I hate that I had to deal with this today, but hey, look I also accomplished this (insert)thing, which is awesome, and I'd rather that you check that out, and give me feedback.

I hate when people also assume that because I'm having health issues that I'm asking for advice on what to do about it.  Unless I have said "anyone have any suggestions?", I'm not asking for help.  I have a whole slew of doctors that I routinely harass for their medical expertise.  What I'm looking for is an emotional support.  Like "today sucks because "insert" is bothering me" followed by "You're right that does suck, but, you're still breathing and super cool".

I also don't want to have a competition with who's life sucks more.  Our lives all suck in various aspects.  Some of us are going through more suckage than others at various points in our existence.  I try very hard to say "I know where you have been, I understand" rather than "I totally have that problem, you need to do this".  I understand that what works for me, may not work for you, so I can't say that my solution is absolute.  I really try not to overstep on other's stuff.  I try to encourage.  If I ever am not being helpful, I like it when people say "Yeah, I appreciate your POV, but, I am gonna do my own thing" if only to let me know if I should even step on delicate toes.

I just get sick of being sick all the time, and need to piss and moan about it until I get over it and get back to doing my great stuff again.  To hear from others "you're always sick" makes me feel like 1. people just don't understand what being sick a lot is like and don't believe me (happens a lot) 2.  have compassion fatigue and have just stopped giving a shit.

I just hate being defined by my crappy physical failings.  I have so many other awesome things about me, and if people can't see that, I'd rather they just piss off so I can focus on the people that do appreciate me.


  1. I appologize if I've ever made you feel this way, but rock climbing has yet to stop you :)

    1. No you are one of the few people that focuses on my strengths as a person rather than my limitations. I'm doing incredibly better than i have done over the past few years. I'm also making large changes in my life to allow the healing process.